Isaiah 40:4-9, Ps 116:1-8, James 2:1-18, Mark 9:14-29
"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

Gretchen lived a nomadic life of sorts. She spent the winters working in a hotel in Death Valley and summers working in a hotel at the Grand Canyon. Each year, as she moved from Death Valley in the spring and back to Death Valley in the fall, she visited her family for a few days. And those visits would set in motion a pattern of regression and dysfunction.

Gretchen suffered from mental illness, a compulsive disorder that was treatable with medication. Most of the time, Gretchen took her medication faithfully and the public health care workers at the parks worked with her to keep her balanced. But when she went home, she fell back under the influence of the religious sect in which she grew up, a sect that taught that illness is the result of being unfaithful and that prayer and bible study are the only things needed for a full return to health. Under that influence, Gretchen would stop taking her medication. For the first few days, shed be ok and would even convince herself that the teachings of her church were right.

But within two weeks or so, just as she was settling into the routine at her job, the symptoms of her illness would reassert themselves and Gretchen would end up again at the mercy of the public health care system. She would get back on medication and, after days of tumult and distress, slowly settle into a more balanced life. Her employers always took her back, even though they knew the cycle she would go through before she settled down: it was hard to get seasonal workers when the pay was so low.

Gretchen suffered because of the teachings of her church. When she took the medication she needed to stabilize her, she could function well, but she lived with constant guilt. She lived with a sense that she was a failure because she didnt have enough faith to be healthy without medication. Gretchen suffered because of unhealthy teachings about faith. And Gretchen isnt the only one to suffer. You dont have to be a member of some small, obscure sect to feel guilty or inadequate over matters of faith. Any of us can fall prey to misperceptions about faith, misperceptions that can lead to feelings of guilt or inadequacy.

One misperception is that faith is like magic. If only you believe, if only have enough faith, if only you pray hard enough, then you can change the laws of nature, then you can do the impossible. When faith is approached as a kind of magic, then the focus is on the outcome. Then faith is a tool, a trick, a means to an end. But true, mature faith is not an outcome but a journey. Faith is not a spell that puts God or Gods creation under our control, but it is putting ourselves under Gods control.

Related to this is the misperception that faith is a commodity that one can obtain by sheer force of will. If only you accept a specific set of teachings, if only you open wide and swallow, then you will obtain and possess faith. But faith is not a commodity that can be bought or sold. Faith is not a product but a process.

The most damaging misperception of all is that we are responsible for faith. The disciples in the Gospel story we heard today fell into this dangerous trap. They were unable to heal the epileptic boy, even though they surely used all the techniques that Jesus had taught them. After Jesus healed the boy himself, the disciples asked, Why could we not cast it out? Jesus answered them, This kind can come out only through prayer. The disciples were focusing on themselves, on their own abilities and failures. Jesus pointed them back to relationship with God. The disciples thought that faith was about what they could do. Jesus reminded them that faith is about what God can do and is doing.

So it is for us, too. Faith is not about what we can do if only we believe enough or accept the right religious precepts. Faith is about what God is doing among us, in us and through us. When we look at the world through eyes of faith, then we see Gods action. Then we see daily miracles, the kinds of small things that others say are coincidences. When we look at the world through eyes of faith, then we see magic and wonder in ordinary events, like the blooming of a flower or the smile of a friend.

How do we get the kind of faith that allows us to see wonders in the ordinary? How do we get faith if we dont already have it? How do we overcome the guilt we might have if our faith doesnt seem strong enough? The only way is to do what the father of the epileptic boy in todays Gospel reading did when he cried out, I believe; help my unbelief. Ultimately, faith is not a commodity we can attain for ourselves. It is not something we can earn or possess by act of will. Ultimately, faith is a gift from God. We grow in faith when we ask God for this gift, when we cry out for it as the father did in his distress. Faith is not up to us, but up to God.

One summer day at the Grand Canyon, Gretchen heard a young seminarian intern talk about faith in this way. It was a revelation to her. As she and the seminarian talked and prayed about faith, Gretchen felt the guilt begin to lift for the first time. She felt hopeful that taking the medication and being healthy was pleasing to God, rather than a sign of sinfulness. And she made a commitment to staying healthy. The next fall, as she made her way from the Canyon to Death Valley, she bypassed her familys home and went straight to the new job instead. She felt only mildly guilty about that, knowing shed go home again when she felt strong enough. In the meantime, she prays God, I believe, help my unbelief. God, I have faith. Help me grow in faith more and more, every day. Gretchens prayer is our prayer, too.

Amen.

Isaiah 40:4-9 (New International Version)